we're still thinking about it...

baby fever hit a few weeks ago. hard.

It began as we were packing away clothes we didn't want to keep (we had WAY too much for both kids, but especially Lily). Not all of our baby clothes, just the non-amazing, non-essential, heavily-worn, less-cute stuff. But there was a lot of that. Everything else we're keeping for my sister when she has kids. 'Cause we're done. Right? Right??

So I'm having a margarita of all things, and sorting through baby clothes. Brad at this point was already wavering on the vasectomy though we're certain we are adopting in the future. I felt it, told him, he felt it, we talked. We've been talking. We've been praying. For a few weeks.

Having a third baby was never in the plans, but it's been two weeks and I can't keep blaming the margarita or the baby clothes or that faitful night. Because it's sticking, so far. I'm still in the process of asking God "are you kidding!?" and contemplating if it could even work, if we even want it to, and including our adoption dreams to this potential reality. So right now we're still thinking about it.

*shakes head in disbelief*

warning: do not sort through baby clothes while having a margarita and expect to leave that event unscathed. un-fevered.

talk with no doc.

Talk of us having a third baby is swirling around our home.
Can we adopt in this current house? Likely no.
Do we want to wait until we move in five years
to add to our family? Absolutely no.
And there is a long list of idols in my heart that God needs to work on (and he is!) before I could even imagine having a third...

But lets just hypothetically say I did end up having a third....
It dawned on me today:
MY OBGYN IS ON MATERNITY LEAVE.

Weird eh? As if she gets to have babies too.
That's like teachers taking night school courses or something.
Totally bizarre.

Now I recall that she was visibly pregnant when she delivered Oli. And she was having twins (go, Doctor Hall!), so there's no way she wouldn't take the full year. But that means she likely won't be there if I needed her.

And my friend who is currently pregnant and had my same doctor last year had to find a new doctor. Not the biggest deal for my friend since she has now had different doctors for each of her three pregnancies, and Dr. Hall didn't deliver her baby either.

But I had Dr. Hall for both pregnancies and she delivered Oli.
We tight.

If we did have another, and that's a big if, it would be so hard for me to find a new doc.
I love my doctor. Especially after Oli's birth. I felt like she became part of our family or something.
That's a major point in the con section of my "should we have a 3rd baby" t-chart.
Yes, I said t-chart. How else does one make major life decisions ;)

3 in a bedroom?

Whether we adopt or birth a third baby, either way, it'll be in THIS house. 

This 2 bedroom, city house. Which means bunk beds are absolutely necessary. 

Good thing I love me some bunk beds :) I have great memories of sharing a bunk bed with my sister growing up. We were in bunks until we moved to a 3 bedroom home when we were 8 and 10 respectively.

Here are two simple bunks that I have my eye on. The IKEA one turns into two twin beds which is a huge perk, but has no storage and is made of less quality wood (and is actually $100 more!). The Brick one is white which I love and a bit higher quality, but doesn't turn into twin beds which would limit it's lifespan. Both are simple and I love how the ladder doesn't jut out but is attached to the structure.

{The Brick, $199}

{IKEA, $299}

But is it just me or are kids rooms getting a little out of hand? While researching bunk beds it was actually difficult to find the two I've posted above. Because all the bunk beds these days are so outrageous. 

They're enormous structures, complete with staircases, and cost nearly $1,000!!

What has happened to the classic bunk bed?!

[source]

I thought I was immune...

to baby fever.

My friends felt it when they wanted another one, and after Oli I didn't.
I hosted baby showers, visited newborns, played with sweet smelling 1 month-olds, and celebrated with friends over their recent pregnancies. All.Without.The.Fever.

Not that we didn't want more kids, as you know, we are adopting!
But we were sure of one thing: NO MORE BABIES.

Until last week. We were discussing the V word (vasectomy) and Brad asked an honest question.  
Are you sure you don't want to have just one more?
My response was emphatic. You can read all about it here. But then last night as as were sorting through baby things to lend/give to a pregnant couple we know, it hit me. The fever.

Now, to discern if it's legitimate or not.
Is it just a hormone surge, emotions or nostalgia? Probably.
Is it just because our kids are in the same room now and sleeping through the night together? Maybe.

But while we're on the topic, what are my reasons for not wanting another baby, aside from adoption (because that would happen down the road regardless)?
I need to evaluate them, because last time I checked they weren't so solid.
They were temporary things. Fleeting things. Vain things.

Like how much I dislike pregnancy. (which is only 9 months)
Like how my pre-baby body is finally back. (and this body is not forever!)
Like how I can function as a non-mom some days because I only have 2 and they're pretty manageable. (but I am a mom! is it so horrible if my life reflects that all day, every day?)
Like how exhausting the first 6 months are. (again, it's only 6 months)
Like how awful breastfeeding was with both babies. (who says I have to?)

Plus I never wanted another biological child. And never wanted another baby (biological or adopted).

But if I do (not saying I do, just saying I'm thinking about it today!), would I seriously let 9 hard months followed by 6 exhausting months and body image issues be the defining factor? I hope not.